Niall’s P.O.V.
It had been over a week since I had last seen Rose.
I had been dying on the inside. I thought I had grown stronger but Liam had made me weak. I tried to look at him the same way but I just couldn’t. It was like there was something in the back of my mind telling me that even though he looked okay, he wasn’t. I was worried that I could push him over the edge by saying something, anything. We hadn’t told the boys and weren’t planning on telling anyone, we were going to go back to the way things used to be. But it didn’t feel that way.
I was so scared for him. I was scared of being around him. He said he loved me. Love can’t go away like that. You can’t choose who you love and just saying that we were going to go back and pretend it never happened isn’t going to change that.
I felt so guilty for avoiding him sometimes but I didn’t want him to love me so I was doing my best to make him not.
I had started to feel sick again, especially the times I saw him. I was afraid that he was so hurt and hiding the pain, but there wasn’t much I could do until I was sure he had moved on.
Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist, I made my way over to stand in front of the mirror. The left over steam from the shower escaped overhead, circling above me and fogging up the sides of the glass and the mirror. My skin was cool and moist, refreshing me for the day ahead.
It was our second and last photoshoot today, the ill feeling in my gut reminded me of it. I wasn’t ready to see her, she probably hated me. Tears started to swell in my eyes at the thought. Why was I so weak? Why couldn’t I just face everyone?
I stared back into my reflection. I looked like how I felt; Pale, clammy skin, dulled eyes and a thinner stomach than usual. I was hideous. That’s why no one could ever love an awful person like me. I’m unstable, insecure and cowardly.
Today I was going to do something, I wasn’t going to hide any longer, I didn’t have a choice. I dried my eyes with my towel and then pulled on some trackies and a plain tee, making me feel safe and lost within.
“Niall! You done in there?”
“Just a second,” I replied, quickly gelling my hair into place as Harry burst into the room naked.
“Argh! Harry?! You couldn’t have waited till I was out?” I complained shielding my eyes.
“No! I have to have a quick shower before we leave!” he retorted, turning the water on and jumping in fluently.
I grunted in response and fled the room. My nerves were starting to kick in with the clock drawing nearer and nearer to when we had to leave.
I started pacing my room, trying to keep my mind off of things when I heard a faint knock on the door before it hesitantly squeaked open.
“Hey…” Liam greeted shyly, shutting the door behind him.
“Hey,” I replied, stopping my movement to turn towards him questionably.
“Nervous about today?” he rhetorically commented, taking a seat on his bed. The tension obviously circulating the room.
“…Yeah…” I agreed awkwardly scratching my neck.
“About seeing Rose again? I know you haven’t talked to her since… you know…” he said, suddenly becoming interested in his hands and ignoring eye contact.
I looked at the ground, bowing my head. “Yeah,” was the only word I could manage to think of, having not really spoken to him for a week.
“I’m sorry for fucking you up,” he muttered, twiddling his thumbs absentmindedly.
I remained silent for a bit, trying to think of something to say other than ‘yeah’. Walking over, I took a seat next to him. He looked up at the sudden weight on the bed and opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.
“It’s okay, it wasn’t just you,” I apologised.
He stumbled for words to say, “You remember what I said at the beach that night?” he paused for affirmation before continuing, “That you were hurting?”
I nodded, egging him to go on. “Well, if it wasn’t just me then who was it? Rose? Was she hurting you?” he accused.
I could hear Harry’s voice singing from the bathroom as the flowing of water stopped. “Not really… I don’t think it was her, I loved her too much,” I didn’t immediately answer.
“Then who was it? Who was hurting you?” he questioned protectively.
“Myself,” I whispered.
I couldn’t hide the secrets anymore. I just couldn’t. "I hated not being good enough for her, for not being able to protect her,“ I rambled, spilling the truth, “I wanted to be like you Liam! I wanted to be perfect for her and my insecurities are eating me alive,” I shuddered.
He looked apologetically at me, as if he could feel my pain. “Why don’t you believe in yourself? She loves you and I -” he stuttered, rethinking his words, “And I think you’re amazing and you’re perfect for each other." The hurt in his eyes was dominent but he tried to smile assuringly at me.
I knew what he was going to say, he was going to say that he loves me but he couldn’t. I hated myself for doing this to him. He was so fragile. His shaking lips that were trying to uphold a smile for me were so fragmented. "Liam,” I began.
I mustered my sympathy and regret into my words, “Thankyou. Thankyou for being my bestfriend and thankyou for standing by me even through what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you like this and I am so sorry."
His eyes softened and his smile decreased, his face unreadable, so I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing my hand up and down his back comfortingly. We were both hurting so there was nothing better than hurting together.
"Don’t worry you’ll find someone someday, and whoever it is I will support you both,” I promised, releasing my arms from him. “But come on we have to go now so I can get back the girl I love.” I stood up and offered him my hand and we walked towards the door together, hand in hand.
“Um Niall…” he finally spoke, whipping his hand out of mine and rubbing his sweaty palm. “Do you think the fans will hate me for being bi?” he stammered, his face scared and confused.
“Are you kidding?!” I said lively, trying to lighten us both up, “Haven’t you seen tumblr?” we laughed, genuinely happy and ready to take on what lies ahead.
OMG I AM SO SORRY FOR THE REALLY LONG WAIT EVEN THOUGH I PROMISED TO DO IT AGES AGO I AM SO SORRY. A lot has been going on and I just haven’t been motivated and I couldn’t think of what should happen next because I’m not really happy with the storyline because I realised that my mood has shown in it. i’ve had a lot going on and my anxieties have shown in my characters and made it just as fucked up as i am. so yeah sorry…
Niall’s P.O.V.
Liam was lying down on his bed when I opened the door. His head instantly snapped up to meet my gaze when he heard the clicking of the doorknob. The room was so dark I could scarcely him. He sat up, swiveling around on the bed as he did so.
His presence scared me slightly, I have to admit. His figure was shrouded in darkness despite the low glimmer from the moon outside, making his eyes glow ominously, reflecting empty, hollow orbs deep within his eyes.
As if to scare away all fear, I flicked the lights on, bringing on the low hum of electricity for a second before fading away.
I walked over to his bed and sat beside him, twiddling my thumbs that were entwined with the elbows resting on my knees. I couldn’t look at him just yet so I dropped my head towards the floor, relieving a huge sigh before looking up into those endless eyes.
“I’m so sorry…” I began with a stutter, keeping hold of the harsh gaze with him. I tried to find words to continue but they got lost in my mind and caught in my throat. Struggling to think under his intense gaze that was bearing a hole in my heart, the guilt seeping in heavier than before to see his broken, anxious face.
“Look mate it’s just-”
Liam reared his face towards me, cutting me off. His lips puckering on mine, tangling between them. I was taken by surprise and remained frozen, shocked while my mind tried to generate what was happening.
I was trying to muster the power to pull away but my body said otherwise, too panicked too move.
Liam then gently pulled away, his eyes gleaming and a small satisfied smile couldn’t help but upturn the corners of his lips. His expression drastically dropped when he noticed mine. My eyes were boldly wide with shock and mouth still parted loosely, the colour having drained from my skin leaving me there aghast.
He looked heartbroken but also remorseful, almost disgusted with himself. Tears started to swell in his eyes. I tried to speak up but I couldn’t. I wanted him to explain or me to just say something but there wasn’t anything I could say that wouldn’t hurt him any less then the expression on my face.
His hands shook as he clenched them and pushed himself off the edge of the bed. I stood up as he turned his back to me and fled from the room, smoothly and quickly escaping the scene. I jumped off after him as he flung himself down the stairs.
I paused at the top of the stairs, waiting to see where he was going. Overlooking his scramble, he hastily grasped the back door open and escaped out onto the sand, bolting through the dunes towards the sea.
I regained my consciousness and instinctively shouted out after him, “Liam!” knowing it wouldn’t make him stop and turn back.
Taking the steps two at a time, I sprinted off after him. My breath got heavier and heavier, penetrated with fear and adrenaline from my pumping heart that was trying to keep up.
I could already see him in the distance, growing further and further away by the second. So with no time to spare I launched myself over the banister on the deck, my feet digging into the lush sand.
My workouts had paid off for a new strength and stamina. Grains of sand flicked up licking the back of my legs as I raced off, the soft, spongy external of the sand making it hard to reach my quickest speed. My legs could only take me so fast, they felt like heavy weights that weren’t obeying what they were told. The world seemed to slow down around me, my brain still drilling quickly whilst everything else was still behind.
I was so scared. I didn’t want to lose him.
“Liam!” I stopped and screamed out again into the darkness, hoping that he was still out there. My breath got hitched in my throat as I flashed my head back and forth spastically searching for him along the shore.
“Liam?!” I cried again, my voice more of croaking plea.
The tide nipped my toes and I flinched at the unpleasantly cool water but receded to remove myself and step back. This was all my fault and I had to find him. So I waded out into the water further and further, thinking of nowhere else to go but forward.
The night was calm. Luminous moon beams danced over the seas, light speckling on the tips of small waves that fell gently up and down, the wind and rain having stopped long ago.
Droplets started to spray my face as I ventured so far out that the water had risen to my chest. The salty air filled my nostrils and stung my eyes that were red and puffy.
My clothes were sopping wet and floated around my body, letting the water encase me, chilling me to the bone.
I had lost all hope. I had no idea where he had run off too. He was gone and we hadn’t even been able to talk things through.
I hopelessly dragged myself back around to the way I came only to distinguish a foreboding figure standing closer to the shore, the water lapping hungrily at his knees.
“Liam!” I screamed again, this time with joy and relief. I tried jumping through the water towards him, galloping stupidly.
He remained where he was, his expression unreadable from where I was till I drew closer and he appeared nonchalant.
“I think I love you Niall,” he yelled above the lolloping waves and no wind to carry the words to me.
“I love you too mate,” I replied without hesitation, standing before him.
“No,” he interrupted, “Not like that.”
At the realisation I found myself stumbling for words again, hundreds of confused questions circling my mind until one finally managed to escape my trembling lips, “Why? Why now?”
His face faltered. “I don’t know. I just realised that I always have and now that you belong to someone else I know that I want you to be mine.”
“I-” I began, his words hitting me hard and digging into me.
“No don’t tell me that you don’t feel the same! You can’t love some girl more than me. She’s hurt you too much Niall, I can tell you’re hurting. You’re not the same lad I fell in love with back at the x factor house! She’s changed you because no one could be as perfect for you as I am!” he raged quietly, tears seeping into his eyes and shining as they trickled down in line with his cheek bones.
I could feel the prick of tears in my own eyes. He was right but he was also wrong.
“Yes I’ve changed,” I admitted, “I’m trying to become a better person, I used to think I wasn’t good enough for anyone because I fell in love with that one person I felt like I couldn’t have because I would be betraying my bestfriend. I put our friendship above my happiness for a while but then I couldn’t fight my feelings for her and I lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
I heard him sniffle and wipe his face with his sleeve then open his mouth to say something but withdrew and instead fumbled with the pockets of his trousers, his head down in shame trying to hide the tears that glistened on his cheeks.
“I’m sorry Liam, I will always love you but not the way that would make you happy,” I finished, finding my confidence and taking a step towards him. His head looked up at me dispiritedly as I spoke the last few words, his face a few inches from mine.
His expression showed of understanding but disappointment, and I pulled him in for an embrace. A deep comforting hug like we used to, when it felt like there was no one else in the world but us, when he was the only one who understood and when we only had each other.
Niall’s P.O.V.
I stood frozen to the spot and watched Rose leave, just waiting for her to turn around and smile at me, assuring that everything was going to be okay, that all of the struggles would be worth it.
But she didn’t.
“What do I do Zayn?…” I mumbled, cupping my face in my hands.
I heard his steps trotting and the door closing into place, the wind instantly being blocked and his warm hands held onto mine, lowering them from my face. I turned my head away from him, trying not to let him see the tears that were potentially going to overflow.
It was times like this where I would’ve snapped. The realisation of everything gets to me and I lose my temper. That would’ve happened here if I wasn’t so scared. So instead of yelling and forcing my anger into something else, I just shuddered. My eyes were too dry to cry now, I just started shaking uncontrollably. No anger was left, it had been replaced with guilt and fear.
Zayn pulled me in for a hug which I was thankful for. His comfort trying to push all of the fear, worry and loneliness away.
I stopped trembling and he let go. His own face was ceased with worry, unsure of what to do with the situation also and just like that his comforting and sureness washed away, leaving my face pale.
I flinched as he spoke, “You need to go talk to him once he’s calmed down a bit,” he said after thinking for a while.
I nodded thanks and watched Zayn walk up the stairs and into his room, his soft steps being the only sound before I was left alone with my thoughts.
I paced back and forth at the base of the stairs, the floorboards creaking under my shifting weight.
I had no explanation for what I had voluntarily done to my bestfriend. We had been so close, Liam and I. No one could deny the inevitably strong bond between us. He was always the first person I would talk to about something and he was always there for me. But I had fucked that up.
I couldn’t help but feel that he too was to blame. He had overreacted to the whole situation and had seized all of his anger on Rose when I had been the one who had stabbed him in the back. I didn’t understand it. Why was he making such a big deal about her?
The dark croaky floorboards groaned under my fury as I unknowingly paused, too busy contemplating my anger. Veering back to guilt I started pacing again, falling out when it sank back to remorse.
Although an apology wouldn’t take back all of the lies, secrets and hurt, I could at least try to take back my friend.
So I placed myself at the foot of the stairs, hand on the railing prepared to ascend. Drumming my fingers, I ignored all hesitations and made my way towards the door.
Liam’s P.O.V.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I threw myself down onto the bed confused, head in my hands, aimlessly raking them through my hair.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”
My thoughts turned into words that managed to escape my mouth in haste. I flipped onto my back and lay there, my arms falling down by my sides. I couldn’t find the willpower to move despite the cold that blew in through the window that Niall had fucking left open for some fucking reason.
I needed to calm down. Fuck.
It had turned dark now and the navy blue sky had calmed down, letting pale moon beams filter in through the cracks in the blinds and highlight certain parts of the room.
I let my body relax and I turned my head to the side to face Niall’s bed. Part of it was shadowed and the other was dimly glowing from the little light. Like his picture frame that was propped on his bedside table that reflected the light on a picture of their first day on x factor as a band, one of his family and one of himself and Niall together, arms round each other and laughing. It was an excellent shot, a great photo that I too had as my phone background.
I smiled at the memory and let my gaze drift along his bed and other strewn belongings.
Everything was just… Niall. From his green bedsheets to his soccer ball and to yesterdays clothes that were still scattered, his supras and grey zip up hoodie lying thrown on the floor. No one could mistake him for being anyone but Niall, that’s what I loved about him, his unique personality.
He was caring and would listen to you respectably but he could also go from being serious when needed to that fun, loving lad.
Out of all the boys I had a soft spot for him. Just hearing his voice could make me smile. His mellow voice when he sang and his thick irish accent that was so adorable. I was his bestfriend and he was mine. Then some girl had to get between us. I don’t even know why I liked her so much in the first place, she was just a slutty bitch. Why the hell would Niall even like her so much to lie to me about her? He’s better off without her. She’s just getting in the way of his feelings.
She’s the reason he’s been putting so much pressure on himself lately with all of the workouts, barely eating. He’s been through so much hurt. I would never try to hurt him like that.
I tried to relax and tensed myself up before letting my body sink back into plush material. Lolling my head back forward, I calmed myself down only to be hit with a particular feeling. I couldn’t quite pinpoint it but there was a nagging feeling in my stomach and my heart had begun to race.
I breathed in heavily, the sounds of the ocean rushing could be heard in the distant, the winds blowing them into my room. Waves crashed repeatedly, the refreshing ocean air trailing in through the window.
Looking up at the dark ceiling I breathed out, I don’t want to hurt Niall, I love him too much.
And when the door opened and he was standing there. My heart started to beat faster unintentionally at his presence. I sat up and he made his way over beside me and after a moments silence, I couldn’t hear anything other then my heart beat thumping wildly within my chest.
It all went so quickly.
I had the sudden urge to kiss him and being the stupid person I am, I did.
It hurt to even attempt to open my eyelids. They were heavily pressed down and I had to use what little amount of energy I had left to force them open.
My body still lay motionless as I looked down upon it. I was so tired. What time was it? Looking around the room, I realised I had no idea where I was. The room was pitch black despite the low glow that was escaping the drawn curtains ahead of me.
My back ached, curled uncomfortably on a small couch but I didn’t yet have the strength to shift my position so I remained twisted with my knees nearly hugging my chest. I let my head sink back into the couch’s crease and lay there, my eyes still open but relenting to make a difference to being closed.
I couldn’t do anything other than suppress to thoughts filling my mind. Where are you? How did you get here? What happened after you were hit? Oh shit. The nights previous events flooded into my weary head, wincing at the thoughts. All I wanted to do was just lie there. Away from it all. Away from Niall, away from Liam. Away from my brother, his friends, Max and home. I didn’t want to go home. It would be so much easier to just run away from it all.
So I just stayed there, my mind blank and numb as my mind fell asleep, yet my eyes were still wide open.
Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ started booming from my phone. The sudden alarm bringing me back to reality. Finding the strength to roll over, my hand fumbled on the phone, having reached it just as the caller hung up. I groaned and rolled back over, massaging my sinuses with my fingertips. I flinched at a slight pain and then remembered my cut. Tracing my fingers up over it, I felt only the raised skin and the deep cut within but it had been cleaned.
Puzzled, I quickly brought myself up to a sitting position. This time the curtains had opened and a warm light filled the room. It was quite vintage looking, with daggy patterned curtains that were an old yellow colour. A box tv (not one of those flat screens) was perched on a low cabinet that was lined with girly magazines and dvds. The carpet was stained and smelt musky to match the smell of the ragged couch I was on. It was brown and sunk under my weight as I shifted around to where the room was merged into a kitchen, the carpet changing into an ugly lining that lay underneath the kitchen’s wooden benches that overlooked the lounge.
Pots and pans clanked together and the sound of the rushing water penetrated the silence.
“How are you feeling today?” a voice rang, her head failing to look up from the sink. Her back faced me but the woman had long bright blonde hair that was messy and tangled this morning. She wore an oversized white shirt that fell just below her bottom, yet you could still vaguely see her hot pink bra and undies through it.
“Uhh…” I stuttered, unsure of the situation.
The woman whipped her head round to me with a smile, “Nasty cut you got there.” I was relived to immediately recognise her as Rachel from work.
“I picked you up last night and got you all cleaned up here,” Rachel continued, turning back to her dishes.
“Yeah… Thankyou so much,” I managed to say tediously, surprised that she was being so nice to me. I hadn’t spoken to her since our first encounter and then we had scared each other off with glares most days.
She slotted some toast into the toasted. “What were you doing last night? You surely couldn’t have been clubbing…” she trailed, pausing at her rhetorical question, looking up and down my outfit that was far too casual compared with the black mini dress I loosely remembered her in last night.
“No I uh…” I paused again, weary to tell her since we weren’t particularly friends.
A loud pop interrupted and she turned her back to me, reaching for the burnt toast. The smoking smell filled my nostrils and I was now quite thankful for her being so nice to me.
“I was uh, coming back from Niall’s house, you know the one from One Direction?” I continued, trying to look over her shoulder at the food she was buttering, making my stomach rumble.
She took a bite of one piece and held it in her mouth as she spread the other. “Yeah,” she nodded urging me on as she held up the plate and started walking over towards me.
I stared hungrily at the plate, so grateful that we could turn over a new leaf. I thought that just maybe we could be friends.
Steps could be heard from the corridor and a shirtless man stopped in the doorframe, buttoning up his jeans. Rachel turned abruptly away from me and with an evil smile she handed him the toast.
“Hey babe,” she grinned, rising on her toes to peck him on the lips.
Yep this was Rachel I knew.
He scoffed it down, crumbs spilling down his mouth and gave her grin, his teeth dirty to match his stubble.
“She alright?” he gestured his head towards me but spoke to Rachel, his disinterest showing through his husky voice.
“Yeah she’s fine,” she shrugged, taking the plate back to the sink.
“That’s good, so thanks for last night but I gotta get going,” he smirked to her, lifting a shirt over his head.
“Yeah see ya,” she replied, waving a goodbye over her shoulder as he walked through to the front door and didn’t even bother looking back.
After a moments silence she spoke again, “Hungry?” she laughed.
“Yes please,” I said irritably, standing up and trying to make my way over. I winced at the small pain on the back of my legs and thighs. I looked over my shoulder down at my legs and inspected the bruises, brushing my fingers up the smaller cuts.
“Those would be from sitting on a pile of broken glass,” Rachel spoke up.
“Yeah,” I muttered, acknowledging the obvious.
“What happened last night?” she asked curiously, a tinge of worry in her voice.
I walked over to the bench and sat down on top of it, my feet resting on a chair and I perched my elbows on my knees, deep in thought. I supposed I should tell her since she did help me out.
“Well some drunks were driving past and started throwing a bunch of bottles at me.”
“That’s awful,” she gasped, “Are you okay honey?”
Leaving out some of the information, I continued. “I am now thanks to you,” I smiled, honestly thankful. She handed me a piece of toast and gave me a friendly smile back. Despite my first impression of her, she actually was quite a nice person.
“And you mentioned something about Niall?” she raised her eyebrows, pulling her tangled hair into a messy bun and sat on the bench across from me.
So I told her everything that had happened yesterday and we talked over our boy problems, well my boy problems since she only broke hearts with her one night stands, and everything felt like it was truly going to get better.
I sipped a steaming mug of coffee to my lips and breathed in, almost relieved of my worries. Almost.
The three of us just stayed in an astonished, awkward silence. I thought that it would be best if I left. Gathering my sopping wet shirt, which we all acclaimed was unwearable so Niall picked up his dry shirt off the ground and came closer to me. His face was flushed white, “I’ll see you around,” he said quietly handing me his shirt and leaning in for a soft kiss that I alluded to the cheek with a turn of my head.
Brushing the warm shirt over my head, I left out the back door and into the night, not bothering to look back. The tears had left a sticky residue over my cheeks and the uncomfortable feeling was accompanied by the occasional sniffle.
I brought my arms across my chest to block out the harsh winds, but nothing seemed to affect the heart-sinking feeling that rested in the pit of my stomach as I trudged home. Guilt.
I was a heartless whore and everyone knew it. Everyone knew me better than I knew myself. But I loved Niall. I loved him so much it hurt and it hurt me to know that he loved me back. He deserves someone better than me.
I kicked a stone out of my way along the sidewalk, buried in my own thoughts. Cars were fleeting past, the only sounds that could be heard; the bleeping and rush or air as they passed so close to me.
Was it terrible to think how easy it would be, to just throw yourself in front of the many cars or just walk out a few metres from where you already were? How simple it would be, to be caught up and left forgotten in the stream of cars?
Contemplating the idea, I could never have the willpower to do it, I was better than that.
A loud thumping could be heard in the distance, I depicted it as the beat of some car’s music passing. The blaring beat drew closer and closer, the bright glaring flash of headlights screeched alongside me.
Clubbing rap music was pumping from a black clad SUV which had pulled up to a slow drive beside me, trailing me as I focused ahead of me, not daring to give the people the obvious satisfaction or appeal of an easy target.
“Hey sis,” a voice smugly slurred.
My breath hitched as I let my eyes drift over the cars occupants, my brother and his drunk friends were all standing through the open sunroof and out the windows, bottles clutched in their hands.
I hmmfed in disgust, trying to ignore them so they’d go away.
“Aw babe did you get dumped? Or were you being naughty out clubbing? Should I tell mummy?” he continued sniggering.
“You naughty, sad girl, maybe you need a spanking?” one of his friends laughed, throwing his arms frantically out the window in a groping motion.
“Oi bastard that’s still my sister!” Will screeched, throwing an empty bottle from above down at his hands. Glass shattered all over his hands. He let out a scream of agony, drawing his hands to the front him and caressing the blood that was trailing down his forearms.
I remained silent as they fought among themselves, trying to walk as fast as I could possibly to get away.
“So babe long time no see? Remember me?” an unmistakable voice cooed from the front window. My face must’ve had all the colour drained from it as I shakily darted my eyes to Max. He was hanging out the window giving me a devilish toothy grin while the others were still arguing.
My heartbeat rapidly increased, angered by the putrid sight of him. He was utterly foul. His shaven head was scarred, his arms were tattooed on every skin available so it had grown discoloured and horrid with wrinkles. His eyes were bloodshot and burned greedily up and down my figure.
“We were such good friends, always lying to help each other out and I know just how much you love me,” he teased, grinning at his blatant sarcasm. Twisting his words in order to affect me.
“Yeah such good times,” I snapped blankly, grimacing in disgust at his referral to old times in such contrary. I thought it would be safer to agree than continue to ignore him.
In the past he had always made crude comments towards me and drunk or not he would attempt to pull a move on me, forced or not. But he would always just go far enough to scare me, never go all for it. He planned to leave a constant burning fear in the back of my mind. When’s he going to try something? What’s he going to do next time? How far till he stops this time?
In my own home he had kissed me, felt me up, slammed me against walls and muffled my screams and tried to shag me. Threatening to do worse if I ever spoke a word and so I’d had to lie about the bruises and the occurring red marks that were slapped upon my cheeks.
Another broken bottle thrown from the car roof caught my attention, just narrowly missing my feet. Laughter echoed the streets as they shouted random obscenities and more bottles were thrown in pleasure at me. Three more bottles shattered around me and over my head as I ducked. A few rebounding off the ground and shards piercing me, but I was mostly unscathed.
I cried out in pain, the hot blood oozing down as a large broken piece slashed the side of my head. Their cruel laughter died down as they left me and continued driving faster away, fleeing the crime scene.
My trembling hands inspected the cut, only to bring my fingers back covered in the hot sticky liquid. Shock and fear overtook me and I collapsed into hysterics. Everything was too much. I screamed and couldn’t hold back the incessant crying as I rocked back and forth, crawled up on the footpath on top of broken glass shards.
I became too dizzy to take a breath, unable to get enough air to breathe, I let out uncontrollable deep sobs. Shuddering under the cold wind which stung me along with the glass that crunched underneath me. It didn’t bother me though.
Another car came rearing up, driving quietly at a casual speed. I gathered my arms around my knees even tighter, scared they had come back. Fear digging into my heart, causing me to struggle for breath. Deep, shallow, empty wails were all that managed to escape my lungs.
My gaze was getting hazier as the car brought itself to a halt just in front of me and the slim figure of a woman in a tight, short black dress rushed out, stumbling over her heels towards me. Before I could distinguish her face it blurred and I blacked out.
Rose’s P.O.V.
Our tongues danced in sync as our kiss deepened. Niall pulled me in closer, we moved into the house. My hands trailing along the bottom of his shirt as his ran up my bare skin underneath. I pulled away for a second and lifted my soaking top up over my head, it clung to my skin but I whipped it off and it dropped heavily to the floor. His eyes lingered hungrily over my chest before he obligingly threw off his shirt too.
We instantly regained our position, my hands raking through his hair as his kisses lowered down my jaw and onto my neck. I tilted my head back and let a moan escape my lips. I shuddered under every touch. This boy had such an effect on me.
Making our way over to the nearest piece of furniture, he gave me a gentle shove and I fell back on to the couch. He stood before me, his normally bright blue eyes had darkened with lust as he slowly leant over me. Crawling over to perch just inches above my face. His breath was hot and moist contradicting the cool atmosphere from the open door we had regrettably left.
Just as his soft lips had pursed mine once again we were startled, “What the fuck?!”
There, standing aghast in the open door was Liam. Oh fuck.
“What the fuck?!” he screamed again. Niall sprang off from me, leaving me exposed in just my jeans and a bra.
Zayn was standing behind Liam, trying to hide from the awkward situation. I hadn’t realised that the rain had stopped and the sun had gone down, leaving a dark sky silhouetting the two boys frozen in the door frame.
“Liam I can explain,” Niall hastily excused, attempting to calm the infuriating Liam.
He screw up his face in utter disgust, fists clenched into balls. His eyes flickered down to me and I immediately felt guilty, I could already feel the tears running down my cheeks. His expression was of pure revolt as he scanned my body judgmentally making me feel even more insecure.
“What’s there to explain?!” he screamed back at Niall, raging towards him. “How you have been going behind my back fucking your bestfriend’s girl?”
Anger flushed into his red cheeks. “Slut,” he spat at me, sending all his hatred to recollect in that one word that hurt me more than ever.
“Don’t call her that! She was never your girl!” Niall defended, bracing him, he gave him a shove back.
“Don’t you dare touch me you-” he began, raising his clenched fist in the air. Niall cowered back at his action and Liam had never seen so much fear in his eyes. His knuckles had whitened and were halted, reared above Niall’s face ready to throw but at the sudden realisation of everything and what he was about to do hit him when Zayn placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
“Stop,” he commanded. A million thoughts seemed to be rushing through Liam’s head as his face changed to that of resentment.
And with that, he ran from the room and up the stairs. Leaving the rest of us petrified and alone in the dark. The slamming of the door echoed throughout the tense atmosphere, the only action that occurred during the shock of what had just happened.
Rose’s P.O.V.
After hours of shopping till 7pm for the perfect outfit, her picky, particular fashion sense decided upon a dress with a beige skirt and striped top. She paired this with a black blazer from home and some bangles and wedges. (Ally’s outfit - http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=41940955)
She started looking for a new necklace, looping through the aisles, a permanent crease in her brow.
“What do you think of this one?” she blurted, holding up a golden chain with a few brown feathers dangling from it.
“It’s nice,” I shrugged, tired of faking interest when I had other thoughts on my mind.
Running over to another stall she raised a beaded necklace to her neck, “What about this?”
“Yeah it’s nice,” I said absentmindedly, not even bothering to look.
“Oh my gosh,” she growled irritably. “Focus here! Your friend is having a dilemma!” she squealed with her arms flailing in the air, flinging shopping bags over her shoulders.
“How is having a perfect date in a perfect outfit with a perfect guy a dilemma?!” I retorted, perceived harsher than I expected. Her face softened and she drew a hand on my shoulder. Flinching at a touch that wasn’t his.
“Rose I’m sorry, I can tell that you’re something’s up with you and Niall…” she paused, assuring her presumptions by reading my expression. “And I think, whatever Louis said, you should listen to him. He’s known him for much longer,” she stated.
I processed her opinion for a moment before pulling her into a hug, I whispered into her ear, “You’re both right, I need to go talk to him.” Releasing her from my embrace, I walked out of the shop into the rain, the sky darkening every looming minute.
My anticipation grew with the rain, my heart beating faster as I quickened my pace, the foreboding clouds dwelling above me. I couldn’t control my legs as they sped my pace along to my heartbeat, getting louder and drumming through my chest. Adrenaline was pumping as I switched into a sprint.
I ran through the rain, unsure of what I was doing but I knew why, I had to tell him. I had to tell Niall I loved him and not Liam. I wasn’t confused anymore, I was sure.
Niall’s P.O.V.
The house was eerily quiet tonight. Raindrops were tapping against the roof, loudly echoing through all the windows that I had left open to pursue the cold winds into the house. I was sitting alone on the couch, absentmindedly strumming the strings of my guitar that was perched on my lap. No one else was home. Harry was with Louis at some restaurant making reservations for his date and Zayn and Liam had invited me down to the beach for an evening swim with them but I had declined.
The curtains that framed each window were blowing wildly and let in a slight spraying of water that chilled me to the bone. I was cold, but couldn’t find the willpower to get up and close them or turn the heater on. Goosebumps rose on my skin, being pressured by the icy wind that was hitting me from across the room. My teeth were chattering along with the pitter-patter of the rain which was soon accompanied by a knock.
No sound could be heard other than a loud knocking on the glass sliding doors out the back. I glanced around, a little scared to be honest.
Resting the guitar down, I peered around the corner and could just distinguish the outline of a figure. I got up from my seat and tiptoed over the creaking floorboards. From here I could see none other than Rose.
Her clothes were soaked and clinging to her torso and the darker waves of her hair were sticking messily to her face that was leaning side on against the glass frame. Her eyes were searching for me through the tinted doors, but seemed to be drilling right into my heart.
With trembling fingers, not just from the cold, I grasped hold of the handle and pulled the door open. I was instantly swept away by a large gust of cold wind and raindrops pierced my body like knives but I was too numb already to feel.
“Is this real?” I shuddered in a whisper that was just loud enough for her ears to pick up on.
“Yes.”
She smiled and even in the dim light from the sun setting I could see her eyes glint as she spoke.
There was a moment of silence while we just took in each other. She still looked beautiful. Even in the pouring rain.
She stood straight now, still on the decking, waiting for approval to enter through forgiveness. “I’m sorry,” she said, blankly staring into my eyes. But I cut her off, “You know you’re the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the past few days.”
Her eyes softened and there was a pause. “I’m sorry,” she continued, “you were right. You were just looking out for me and I was too blind to see that for once someone in my life cared. I was stupid and I can’t believe it took me this long to realise but I’m not afraid anymore.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid to fall in love. Afraid to hurt and be hurt. Afraid to let someone into my world including my past,” she took a step forward, her gaze falling to her feet.
“I should’ve been focusing on our present but I just wanted to protect you from your past and our future.”
She looked back up at me as I spoke and she whispered, barely audible, “Our future?”
I took a step forward, being drawn towards her, longing for her touch. “Our future,” I assured and in the flash of a second she brought her lips down onto mine.
Rose’s P.O.V.
It had been two days since I had last spoken with Niall.
I had caught up with a few friends and tried to get myself back into the usual routine pattern of my lifestyle before celebrity boys invaded it.
I’m pretty sure my friends didn’t even notice something was up, as usual. But I guess a smile can hide so much even when your eyes show the truth.
The rain was drizzling this morning, the large windows that occupied the office walls were beaded with smudgings of it, blurring my vision to the outside world.
Drawing my train of thought back to the present, I clicked back onto the word document.
‘What’s hot? One Direction! What’s not? Justin Bieber! What’s hot? Fur coats and vests! What’s not? Denim jackets!’
I was about to expand on my reasoning when I was taken by surprise by a heavy british accent.
“What?! Denim jackets aren’t hot?!”
I burst into laughter to have a very angry Louis posing, with his hands menacingly on his hips, in front of me. His dark denim jacket drawn up to the top button.
“Only Louis Tomlinson makes them look hot,” Ally commented with a wink from behind me. His face instantly lit up into a grin as he walked through my desk to perch in between the two of us.
“What are you doing here Lou?” I asked.
“Oh, uh I was just bored and everyone else was caught up in their own thing so I decided to come round and see how you girls were doing?” he shrugged shyly, looking at Ally as he spoke in response to my question.
“Aw don’t worry we have time for you,” I said, suspecting there was more to why he was here. He quickly turned back to acknowledge me and embarrassingly brushed his hand through his hair to scratch his neck as he spoke, “Yeah thanks haha.”
I smiled, I was pretty sure that he had a thing for her and by the way he was looking at her. Why wouldn’t he? She was so pretty with her cute dotting of freckles and her curly ombre hair. Jealousy was making my cheeks flush. They would be perfect together. I wish someone would look at me like that right now. I huffed glumly, Niall exceeding to penetrate my thoughts once again.
Louis and Ally had striken up their own conversation and I didn’t want to feel like a third wheel or intruding, I printed my article and pushed out from my chair. Walking right past them without any recognition, I strode through the open room and through a dark corridor, the one where I had lay in Niall’s arms and everything felt like it belonged. My feet drew me automatically through it whilst my mind was still reminiscing.
Leaving the bundle of papers slipped onto her desk, I tuned the corner to nearly ran into Louis.
“Woah, sorry I didn’t see you coming,” I apologised.
“It’s alright, I was looking for you anyway,” he looked me straight in the eye. His statement surprising me but leading back to my previous suspicions.
“Yeah…” I urged him on.
“Well, Niall’s been,” I tensed up, “he’s been acting different,” he sighed. “I know him well enough to tell something’s up and it’s been like this ever since we came here, and I think he really likes you.”
I didn’t know what to think. Niall had changed because of me? Oh god.
“I’m sorry… Yeah…” I paused, unsure whether to mention our mutual feelings to him or not. His gaze pierced into my soul and I felt obliged to tell him the truth.
“Umm… After I turned Liam down, we kissed and have been hanging out but two days ago he stormed out…” my voice trailing, soft and on edge for his reaction.
There was a brief silence of recollecting thoughts before he spoke, “That explains his actions towards Liam, he’s been cold to him mostly.” I nodded.
“Just be gentle with him, he’s pretty sensitive underneath and I can tell that he really cares for you.” I couldn’t suppress the slight upturning of the corners of my mouth as he spoke.
“But whatever happened between you two, I’ll leave to you to sort it out,” he finished.
“Thanks Lou,” I honestly smiled, processing his advice before giving him a thankyou hug goodbye.
“What did Louis talk to you about?” Ally jumped up hastily as I approached our desks.
“Just Niall,” I replied, her expression looking a tad relieved as she sat back down.
“Wait, what did he talk to YOU about?” I grinned. A blush spread to her cheeks as she twiddled her thumbs smiling.
“He asked me out!”
“AWW! Congratz!” I exclaimed as I pulled her in for hug.
“I’m so excited!” she squealed, forcing out of my arms, “but what am I going to wear?”
“I think this is an excuse to go shopping!” I assured her worried face that lit up.
Roses’s P.O.V.
4am and I was awake.
I groaned for the umpteenth time, rolling my head face first into the pillow. I just couldn’t sleep with so much going around in my head. I didn’t know what to do. I reached for my phone and contemplated, again, whether I should text Niall.
No Rose what is wrong with you, it’s 4am and he wouldn’t want to talk to you anyway.
I just needed him here. I wanted to roll over into his arms, not Liam’s. Why the fuck did he think I was still into Liam? I chose him over Liam didn’t I? Fucking hell, I’m tired and pissed.
He just didn’t need to know about my brother Will. I had gotten through this year without telling anyone else about him, I didn’t want to worry him. Will hasn’t abused me for about 2 months now.
A loud slam echoed up the stairs and into my slightly open room. Startled, I perked my head up from amongst the sheets and tuned my ears for anymore sounds.
I couldn’t see anything from the gap in my door other than the shallow light that was flooding from downstairs. Heavy breathing and the sound of bodies colliding grew louder, a silhouette quickly rising from the corner, shadowed by the staircase. I could barely see the dark outline of two bodies sluggishly tangle with one another, pushing the other up against the wall. I lowered my head and tried to block out the noise and moans that were erupting from the room across the hall. I guess I was relieved that it wasn’t Will and his mates rather than Will and another random slut.
Yay, no sleep for another hour.
Niall’s P.O.V.
“Hey where’d you go this morning?” Harry’s morning voice raised through the kitchen as I shut the door behind me.
“Just out for a jog through the park,” I shrugged, wiping a few lingering beads of sweat that had escaped from my brow.
Liam raised his eyebrows mockingly to Zayn across the table as they all cheerily munched on their bacon and eggs and frosty flakes. The smoking smell wafted to my nose teasingly, making my stomach rumble. I stood nauseated in the door frame as I watched them slop eggs and openly much them in their mouth and as Louis spooned milk and slush into his face, dripping milk down his chin and then casually flicking it off with his sleeve.
I was disgusted. Ignoring the growls from my stomach, I walked straight up the stairs into my room and lay exhausted on the floor.
I was tired emotionally and physically. My chest was covered in sweat, rising and falling heavily in my exhausted breaths.
I was fed up with not being good enough, being hated on for just being myself because my good wasn’t good enough.
All of the magazine articles, gossip and polls had finally gotten to me. A year full of being hated on and being the rejected ugly one of the band had built up. My insecurities were eating me up inside.
“You’re a fuck up,” I whispered to myself, my hands shaking as I brought them to my face to hide my shame. I could feel the cooling wetness on my damp cheeks. I hadn’t realised I was crying.
You’re such a wimp, crying like a girl.
I shuddered and swept the tears off my cheeks and dried them with my shirt. I wasn’t just battling everyone else, but I was also battling myself.
Letting out a deep breath, I started doing some situps from my position on the ground. My insecurities driving me to block out the rest of the world and be numb to anything but the pain I had to overcome.
“Niall don’t forget we have to go to the studio later,” a voice tapped on my door, letting themselves in.
Louis’s brown hair was noticed from the corner of my eye as he stood there awkwardly.
I hmmfphed in response without shifting my eye contact, the tense atmosphere unbearable for him as he just as quietly left. No jokes, no laughter. Just cold, numb, selfish bitterness was expressed silently on my behalf for the rest of the day.
Rose’s P.O.V.
“Rose are you okay?“
I looked up into Niall’s pleading eyes. It was almost as if he was worried about me. But no one ever cares about me. I’m used to being alone.
"I’m fine,” I said sternly, trying to force back the tears that kept looming at the edge.
“No you’re not, you don’t have to lie,” he whispered, moving his hand towards mine but I drew it back on to my lap before he could hold me.
“Don’t worry I said I’m fine,” I almost growled at him. He looked taken aback as he then looked at his hand and shakily drew it back.
“I just want to help…” he whispered standing up.
“I don’t need anyone’s help, it’s just a sad song okay?!” I shouted, surprised at my own outburst.
“I’m leaving.”
He made his way out of my room without looking back, I just sat there, a little overwhelmed. “Wait Niall come back!” I screamed, not knowing what to think. My words seemed to rage him more for some reason as he stormed out the door.
“Make up your goddamn mind Rose! You either want me or not, you either want me or Liam. Just stop being so complicated and admit to other people that you’re not okay!” he shouted, slamming the door behind him.
Leaving me at the top of the stairs, not as confused as usual, but with the sudden realisation that he was right, he knew me better than I did. For once I just wished I knew how to make a decision for myself and I guess, the only thought I could conjure was that I was scared. So scared. Scared to love and be hurt again.
Niall’s P.O.V.
“Hey Niall where you been?” a voice I recognised as Zayn’s echoed from the living room.
“Yeah mate you missed dinner for once, we thought you must’ve been dead if you missed out on food!” Louis laughed his head off as Harry sniggered beside him.
I didn’t answer. I just stomped up the stairs and banged on the door to my room, angry to why it was locked. “Liam open the bloody door!” I roared. After a few seconds with no response I mustered all of my anger into a fierce kick that knocked it open. I barged in raging, “Fucking hell Liam!”
He was in the middle of the floor doing crunches with his head phones blasting music so loud I could hear the beat from where I was.
He looked up at me in surprise before noticing the door’s knob busted.
“Jesus christ you didn’t have to do that,” he gawped, taking his head phones off onto his neck.
“Just get out,” I growled in a low mumble. His confused face was spiked with a flicker of fear. I was usually funny, cute Niall, I was rarely ever angry. He staggered up and left the room silently.
There were a few weights where Liam had left them and crazy ideas started burning around in my head.
I wasn’t good enough.
I was just cute, chubby Niall. The funny food loving guy. But no one ever takes him seriously. I could lose the one girl who actually has an interest in me because I’m not as good looking as him, I’m not as strong as him. She needs someone to protect her and I wanted that someone to be me.
I tore her shirt off, throwing it to the side and knelt down on the floor. I kicked my shoes off and started lifting some weights.